There's been a lot of talk about a movement among women through 2017. About voices being heard, about acknowledging that sexual harassment has gone on rampantly in virtually every profession. It's a complicated issue, for people who have experienced it and for people who haven't.
Let me start with some initial facts:
Have I experienced sexual harassment? Yes.
Are there a number of people I truly care for that have perpetrated it? Yes.
Do I think a person can be good in other respects, while still guilty of that? Yes.
Nonetheless, am I happy that predators are being called to consequence? I am.
Literally, almost every woman I know who works in a male-dominated industry has a story. And many of them are not just mildly bothersome, they are like “if it happened to your daughter, you’d be inclined to go kick some ass and make a ton of noise” kinds of stories. Honestly, up until now, I kind of assumed the guys all knew this was the case, even if they weren’t aggressors of this sort. And it’s why I have never been able to understand how someone could look women in the face and suggest that they have an even playing field at work for advancement and achievement. I don’t blame the women who quit rather than deal with it. I don’t blame the women who change careers, or decide to stay with their kids instead of put up with all of it.
I have never witnessed a single consequence to a man I know anecdotally to have participated in vile behavior related to sexual harassment. I have often witnessed women in the news, in my circle of friends, in the world, being dragged over the coals when they lodge anything approaching such an “accusation.” They participated in it, their complaints are convenient, they are trying to cash in somehow. And I don’t know of a single woman who has benefited in any way for raising this kind of complaint. They just get cross-examined, crucified, and then set aside. So neither do I blame the women who don’t complain, or wait years to say anything. There’s no upside to it.
Likewise, I have a number of friends who have survived sexual assault, and not a single one of the guys who did it suffered even a mild setback in their lives, much less went to jail. I used to think being a survivor was pretty unusual. Now I know it isn’t.
So here we are, and the nation is awash with sexual harassment stories, twenty years after we all first learned the words. And I don’t think most women--at least not the ones I know--are surprised. Surprised anything is happening once the allegations come to light, yes. Surprised about the stories, absolutely not.
But most of us also know this: despite the onslaught of survivors’ stories coming to light, the vast majority of women have never raised theirs. They’ve confided in friends, but never complained out loud. They probably still won’t. Because for many of my friends, the people who did the stuff are the people who are in charge of the stuff. Until that changes, how could they possibly feel safe?
So that’s the view from the underground. Silently cheering on their sisters who finally have a voice--although notice many of them still don’t feel comfortable identifying themselves--and seeing a precious few of the people who have been doing this gross stuff having to answer for it. All the while knowing some of our friends may have to answer for it one day, too. But that’s called “consequences.”